They’re named after the alpine Val d’Hérens region of Switzerland. The black, brown or dark red coloured cattle are very muscular and have short and broad heads sporting strong horns. The breed is unique to the alpine regions.

Cow fighting is said to have originated when the villages of the Valais region used to get together to see whose cow was the most suited to lead the herd up to the summer pasture, but it’s a far more serious business now with farmers breeding the animals specifically to fight for the kudos that winning the title gives rise to.

In their herds the cows instinctively challenge each other to establish a hierarchy, fighting each other pushing forehead against forehead in duels. No one wants their cows to get hurt so to minimize injury the horns are blunted and there are men in the ring called ‘beaters’ who keep a close eye, and step in to separate cows when required.

Different weight cows fight others in their category throughout the weekend, many in a ring at the same time with the jury noting which cow has retreated from each duel, which get knocked out. The cow undefeated after the series of duels is crowned the winner.

In the last contest of the weekend all the winners come face to face for the final that sees the crowning of the ‘Queen of Cows’. Victorious, though not without controversy this year was ‘Schakira’, from category 1, the heaviest/oldest/bossiest group. ‘Manathan’ the 800lb favourite, and queen of 2009 and 2011 was dethroned during the 1st category fights, clearly having a bit of an off-day!

There is a a documentary film “Combat de Reines” by Nicolas Steiner in Swiss cinemas now, it’s well worth watching the trailer, and the film, I’m sure, if you’re in Switzerland: www.combatdereines.ch

It’s pretty straight forward in theory, 2 teams, each with one caravan and 2 back-up cars which are there to protect their own, and to smash up the opposing team’s caravan to smithereens. Not so straightforward on the track as any tactic, including reversing, or driving head on the wrong way round the track was used to ensure the loveable holiday homes reached their true destiny and rightful place on the road, in small pieces, in a skip.

Revenge then for all those long tailbacks on country roads as a single caravan crawled along at 20mph. I have no idea which team won, it doesn’t matter, we’re all winners. Both caravans got what they deserved, I only wish I was driving one of the cars!

‘Vogue’! Really?

The Chläuse wear robes and masks which require a great deal of time and effort to make, each of which falls into one of three very different categories: the Schöne (beautiful), who wear richly decorated headdresses with figures and scenes of rural life, the Wüeschte (ugly), who wear natural disguises in the form of pine branches, moss, and frightening masks, and the Schö-Wüeschte (less ugly), who use the same materials for their disguise as the “ugly ones” but look less so.

From early morning to way past midnight the Chläuse wander around in groups of six (occasionally up to twelve), stopping at farmhouses and places where they know they will be welcomed to wish the families a prosperous year. When they arrive, they stand in a circle and ring their bells in a special ritual. Once greeted by the inhabitants they begin singing an almost sacral sounding yodel. In return, they receive small gifts of money which help to cover the cost of the costumes and a drink, usually Glühwein.

Although some are dressed as women, only men take part as it is physically very hard work. The complete outfit (including thick clothes, bells and hat) often weighs more than 30kg, and in a day a group easily walks up to 10km. As well as being fit, a good voice is very important so that the group sing in harmony. Those that take part often come from farming families who have practiced the custom for generations and have these special sounds and rituals in their blood.

The whole village resounds to the rhythm of cow bells and yodeling, and is incredible to witness, whatever the weather!

However, despite the warning, hundreds of hardy souls went ahead and took part in the Christmas tradition, as they did throughout the country. It was reported that one man had to be dragged to safety from the sea in Brighton, I didn’t stick around long enough to see – tummy rumbling – I was half way home for my turkey dinner!

Not one to be taken too lightly, now I’ve witnessed it. You have to reserve your place at the table well ahead of the weekend because there’s a limit of 15. Of course not everyone who signs up online actually dares to show up. It would seem that some of the warnings on the side effects document, health questionnaire and disclaimer do eventually put them off.

Happily there are plenty of reserves who eagerly fill their shoes to make up the numbers, ignoring the possible side-effects, which go something like this: “1) Burning Mouth. 2) Sweat on face. 3) Reluctance to eat chilli due to sense of self-preservation. 4) Stomach churning. 5) Uncontrollable dribbling. 6) Shaking limbs especially leg – sign of agitation. 7) Increased pain along the alimentary canal. B) Eyes streaming – red eye. 9) Naga claw. 10) Sense of impending death (not really!)” What on earth is NAGA CLAW?

One by one the chillies get hotter and the contestants fewer, to the point on Saturday where 2 men remained. Both had eaten the full line up of the 12 varieties of chillies on offer, (with names like the Fatalii, and Trinidad Scorpion) including the hottest of all, the Naglah. But it was Reuben, pictured here in the yellow check shirt, from New Zealand who ultimately took the title, as he continued to munch his way through one more mighty Naglah than his opponent.

What a man, what a contest!

If you didn’t have a parrot, a peg leg, a hook or an eye patch, you would have felt like a right landlubber on Friday as hundreds of pirates converged, once again, on Hastings Old Town, to turn it into a Pirate town.

Fast becoming one of the most popular events during the annual Old Town Carnival Week, even Captain Jack Sparrow sailed in from the Caribbean to join his pals and reek havoc in their search for treasure!

Last year, the pirates of the channel claimed the world record for the greatest number of pirates in one place. This year they created a world first – as hundreds of pirates gathered on the beach to form a human skull and crossbones (Jolly Roger), to be photographed from the air.

Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!

Started in 1984, the games are more popular than ever with people coming to take part in, or just watch events such as the infamous Mud Wrestling, River Raft Race, River It’s a Knock Out, Ferret Racing and Tug of War. Entry to the knockout competition is free with 3 different classes for kids, ladies and men to enter. Each bout was judged on a best of three, with competitors having to pin their opponents shoulders to the mat to win.

Unfortunately, one lady found she couldn’t lift her shoulder back off the mat once her opponent had grappled her to the ground, (dislocation I think – I hope you’re ok?) So while there are some risks attached, you’re guaranteed to find your skin cleansed and re-mineralised, and you needn’t go anywhere near a tofu and bean salad in the process.